I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
