if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
