Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
