i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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