So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
