i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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