shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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