Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't turn off my feet"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
