So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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