My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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