birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
