is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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