Do you still have your period?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
