I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
