Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
