i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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