census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
