we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
