I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
