He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
