I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need a beard to bite.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
