a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
