I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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