somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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