we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
