Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize