My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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