I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
