Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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