Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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