I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My feet surprised me
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