I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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