Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
