Someone shit on the floor
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
