i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
