i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.