Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off