I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!