My first STD was from a foam party
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..