just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout