Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
