omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
