I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
