can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
