so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
