God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
