her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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