I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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