I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
