i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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