I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
