Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
