never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're like the curious george of whores
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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