ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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