I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cannot find my penis.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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