My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
