Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
