I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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