Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
