There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
