I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
