return my video game
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
