Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
