Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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