I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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