How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
