What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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