there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
