I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize