pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
