is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
