just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this is an emotional support booty call
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
