SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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