Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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