just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
