As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
