I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
