if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize