She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
