There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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