Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
