imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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